NOTE: This website is a Bubble in the Bubble Map of the massively-multiplayer online-and-offline thoughtware-upgrade personal-transformation game called StartOver.xyz. It is a doorway to experiments that upgrade your thoughtware so you can create more possibility. Your knowledge is what you think about. Your thoughtware is what you use to think with. When you change your thoughtware, you go through a liquid state as your mind reorganizes itself. Liquid states can bring up transformational feelings and emotions. Please read this website responsibly. By upgrading your thoughtware you build matrix to hold more consciousness. No one can do this for you. No one can stop you from doing it. Our theory is that when we collectively build one million more Matrix Points we will change the morphogenetic field of the human race for the better. Reading this whole website is worth 1 Matrix Point. Doing any of the EXPERIMENTS earns you additional Matrix Points. Please use Matrix Code MOTHERGR.00 to log your earned Matrix Points on http://StartOver.xyz. Thank you for playing full out!
Being A Mother
Let's face it. There are some insanities involved in trying to be a mother in modern industrial cultures.
In order to graduate from being a 'mom' let us first admit what being a mother in modern culture has been like.
This is what you have been dealing with:
Modern Culture is Capitalistic
Since profit, capital, and financial 'wealth' are the highest values in modern culture, family is merely a nuissance. Family is a problem for capitalists because the purchasing unit of a family is too big. Modern marketing has systemmatically broken down and isolated regenerative villages into multigenerational families, then down into nuclear families, and now down into lone-wolf, single-fighter households of batchelors and single moms. Why? Because if a neighborhood or family shares a car or a refrigerator or a television, for example, then the capitalists make far less profit than if each person lives alone and wants to have their own car, refrigerator, and television.
In modern culture, the man is supposed to go make money. Actually, the woman, even the mother, is now also supposed to go make money, to help pay for the children being sent into daycare and childcare nearly from birth on because the earning and spending of money adds to ghe Gross National Product and makes for a bigger economy. Family and community are dissected into tinier and tinier parts.
Modern Culture is Patriarchal
If you have a son in the patriarchy, you have this choice of either secretly hating and tormenting the boy to get revenge for what all the asshole patriarchal men have done to you for your whole life. Or you can take your son's balls away and try to make him into a 'nice boy' who would never to such awful things to girls or women.
If you have a daughter in the patriarchy, you have this choice of either teaching her to obey, to look down, to agree, to follow and fit into to the partriarchy as a sexual possession of the men. Or you teach her to hate men as if men are pieces of shit, dumber than stones, so you can get your revenge against the patriarchy through your daughter being unavailable for the men.
Modern Culture is Empire
The context of modern culture orients towards conquering, possessing, and ruling. This is the uninitiated masculine past-time.
Since the material world is held to be most valuable, and since materials in the material world are physically limited, then modern culture is oriented towards competition. In other words, the primary question of importance is who has the best wardrobe, best house, best husband, best vacations, best cars, and most money in the bank account.
Modern culture is a funny gameworld, in a sad sort of way.
How much of planet Earth does your husband own?
Yes, so, in this culture of conquering and owning, what is the mother's job? To make sure the children are seen but not heard? To clean up the children's messes?
Who, then, is cleaning up the messes of the Capitalist Patriarchal Empire?
The mess makers? The culture designers? The politicians?
Modern Culture Does Not Initiate Men Into Adulthood
You thought you would find a man in modern culture? For a partner, a mate, a friend, a co-adventurer?
Sorry. You are looking in the wrong gameworld.
Modern culture is a patriarchy. In a patriarchy the men are protected from ever having to grow up, wake up, get conscious, or take responsibility.
Even men at the top of the most powerful hierarchies in the world remain adolescent idiots. By now that should be painfull clear...
As Neil Postman explains in his book The Disappearance of Childhood, modern television suffocates childhood by making the adult secrets of sex and violence into popular entertainment, then formulating violent news and insane advertising at the intellectual level of ten-year-olds.
How is a woman supposed to find a man who can be present, be with, create, hold space, navigate subtle spaces of intimacy and delight?
Modern Culture Lacks Community
It takes a community to raise a child.
Modern culture children are forced to conform and obey rules instead of working out how to live in community. Children are starving to experience a space where each human being is valued for their uniqueness and for each person to be a little bit crazy, so that the child can find a place for themselves and unleash their own uniqueness and their own craziness. Then they can be present with themselves and participate as themselves in the world.
Are you going to continue to obey and keep the isolation mask on your whole life? Are you going to remain in desperately lonely survival mode? Should you keep pretending to be something acceptable and knowable? Your children will not do what you say. They will become who you are. What are you teaching your children to become?
Trying to be a mother in a modern-culture family without a community of families, without mom's culture, without the 4 Archetypal Lineages: the Guardians, Village Weavers, Gameworld Builders, and Evolutionaries to facilitate your ongoing transformation into adulthood, and without children's culture around you in the village is an ill-conceived life plan.
Trying to be a single-mom in modern culture without a community around you is absolute insanity.
Modern Culture Takes Over Your Family Culture With School Culture
School is a family-killing virus.
School invades your family, takes over your personal and family purpose, takes over your schedule, and takes over the minds/hearts/and Beings of your children.
In many modern countries, if you do not send your children into the box-making machinery of public school the government will put you in jail...
School indocrinates children into participating in the Capitalist Patriarchal Empire's consumer Zombie culture. If a child does not have the same model smart phone as all the other kids in school then they will be outcast.
How can you mother a child that is taken away and given the distorted values of modern culture?
How can you create a family when your life is invaded by the school program?
When you force a child to go to school, you force them into a fourteen year prison sentence. You put them in an isolation ward to waste the exact years they need to be preparing themselves for their authentic adulthood initiations that start when they are eighteen years old.
Every child knows that if they do not go to school, you will not love them. You might even abandon them, or kill them by 'accidentally' leaving them behind at the next gas station.
At the same time, every child knows what is coming. And because they know what is coming, your child knows that each day they spend at school is one less day they have to prepare themselves for the collapse of civilization.
By putting your child into school in the 21st Century you force them into an irreconcilable inner conflict: to obey you and die, or to leave you and die.
No wonder more and more children take drugs, drink themselves unconscious, join violent gangs, break laws, cut themselves, starve themselves, and are so angry at everything they cannot sit still in class for another minute (which has been named Attention Deficit Syndrome and is suppressed with pharma-brain drugs such as Ritalin that are so damaging that if you have taken them you cannot even join the military...)
You never had to send your kids to school, in reality. There are so many other possibilities.
Modern Culture Lacks Children's Culture
Modern culture kills children's culture by dividing our children up according to their age, then putting them in classrooms of same-aged children to be taught by teachers, who are, in general, the crippled, adaptive people who feel like they themselves did well enough in school to further promote the institution of school.
For more than 200,000 years human beings had no public schools.
If you ever hung out in a village not dominated by modern culture values (as I got to do in 1981 and 1982 with North Thailand hilltribes, and in the North Philippines) you will have experienced thriving children's culture.
Children's culture is a roving learning machine, a mixture of all ages of younger kids. As soon as the older ones learn or discover something cool their next delight is to teach it to the next younger kids, who pass it on down the line to the youngest. The older kids protect and take care of the younger kids showing them how to engage the world in a life of learning. It is the three-year-olds who carry around the one-year-olds... not the adults. The adults are interacting with other adults in adult culture, taking care of the village.
Personally I did not have a baby in my arms until my first daughter was born. I was completely ignorant about being with a baby. Not so children born into and growing up in a village with children's culture and organic unschooling
Modern Culture Regards a Mother as a Low-Class Citizen - actually as a slave
Any questions about this?
Either you have already made steps to exit the capitalist patriarchal empire by starting and/or moving into an ecovillage, intentional community, or nanonation, or by taking your children out of school and hitting the road for the remainder of their teenage years (without smart phones)...
You are still a slave.
Need we continue?
...are you getting this?
By now, if you are not sobbing in grief or shouting in long-suppressed rage... you did not understand what you just read...
The suggestion is to go back to the top and read these sections again, slowly.
Feel it this time.
Get some friends around you to hold space while you get where you are and what you have been going through. Ask them to help you let these realizations in deeper than the conceptual defenses of your mind.
After that you can more effectively read the next sections.
It is necessary to feel all 4 feelings and all 4 emotions about having tried to be a mother for all this time. There is no order to feelings and emotions. Feel whichever feelings you are feeling first.
Mother Graduation Ceremony
When your child becomes approximately18 years old they have acquired enough matrix and self-responsibility to begin their healing and archetypal initiatory Path towards adulthood. If you continue to play out the role of 'Mother' for your child after their 18th birthday you undermine their ability to face their initiations.
For more on this archetypal shift read Martin Prechtel's two books: Secrets of the Talking Jaguar and Long Life Honey In The Heart (in that order). When the initiators come to take the youth to begin their initiations they carry sticks to physically fight off the mothers who try to keep their children at home, small and dependent, so they themselves do not have to change out of being 'The Mother' and move on into their own future as a human being.
You can fashion your own paradigm-shift by setting a date, inviting friends, writing your own Mother Graduation Certificate, and having a Mother Graduation Ceremony and Party with friends who witness your role-change and sign their names to your Certificate.
NOTE: It is possible for more than one mother to have her Mother Graduation Ceremony at the same time and same place with you. The difficulty would be if you have different circles of friends. If the circle of friends overlaps then it should work fine together. Be sure to give equal time to the stories of each woman's motherhood experiences.
Prepare Your Kids For Your Emancipation
This is a short section. If you think about it, you will understand why.
It is already too late to prepare your children. This is about you.
Your kids don't think you can graduate from being Mom. They never saw any other Mom's do it.
They don't think you know how, and, if you told them you are going to graduate from being Mom they would probably think there is something wrong with you.
Your time to prepare your children for their life and your Mother Graduation passed 5-10 years ago.
Since then your children have been preparing themselves, as best they can (given their circumstances) to try to step into their own lives in a very shaky world.
Ideally your children will have already healed their technopenuriaphobia (TPP) and have learned to live on planet Earth without modern tech.
Ideally they will have learned to differentiate their feelings from their emotions, consciously navigate their feelings in communications and creations, learned to say, "Stop!", make clear strong decisions and boundaries, and learned to follow through on them.
Ideally they will already have heard about Bright Principles and that a unique set of Bright Principles is waiting for them to jack-in.
Ideally they will already have learned what feeds their soul and figured out how to create ongoing food that nurtures their Being rather than their psychological neurosis so they can be Present and be With.
Ideally they would have figured out how to stay away from hierarchical power structures and avoid psychopaths, and would have realized that most of what is offered by modern culture is 'bullshit' in the Neil Postman sense of the term.
If your children have not done these things during school prison years, then they are forced to do them the long hard slow painful way. Like you.
Maybe they will make it.
Maybe they won't.
In any case, you were the one who sent them to school... and it was already too late for you to do anything more about preparing your children after they were eight or nine years old.
It is time to prepare yourself.
Prepare Your Friends For Your Emancipation
Love rides change through being included in the process. Share your process.
To Explore vs. To Shock
What your friends think or do is not in your power to control.
What you think or do is.
No matter how old you are, no matter what has happened before in your life (or has not happened before in your life) you have the power to change your mind.
Your mind is yours to play with and make into whatever you want. Or does your mind belong to someone else?
The uninitiated intention aims to defend your status quo with every defense strategy you've got. This is intended to keep things safe so you can continue to survive. It also aims to fight the evolutionary force of the Universe. Who do you think will win? You or the Universe?
The Mother Graduation Ceremony is a shift out of survival and into living. This is a shift of paradigm.
The problem is that if you change, anyone who is in contact with you will be forced to simultaneously change along with you whether they want to change or not.
This makes it wise to start mentioning to your friends that you have decided to have a Mother Graduation Ceremony.
It is not about asking your friends if they think it is a good idea or not, if they agree or not, if they even understand you or not. You are informing your friends as a professional courtesy, suggesting that there may be some kind of earthquake coming...
Your purpose is to share what is going on in your life with your friends, to invite them to be with you where you are, not to shock them in the case that where you are happens to be a very different place from where they are. MInd your Gremlin.
When your friends hear your news their opinions may come tumbling out at you like an avalanche.
Who decides whether you stand in the way of an avalanche or step to the side of the avalanche and watch the it go tumbling by with neutral curiosity?
No defense is necessary. No offense is necessary. Conserve your energy. You will need it for your new future.
Be present with your friends. Be with your friends. They may be carrying an intense amount of pain from their own mothering (or non-mothering) experiences. Their pain is sadness, anger, fear, or joy. You can listen clearly and carefully (full of care) to their pain.
Let your friends share their pain. When you listen carefully to someone's pain, their pain can complete itself and vanish, mission accomplished, message delivered.
The only thing to ask your friends at the right moment is if they would like to come to your Mother Graduation Ceremony or not. For this you would eventually need an invitation.
Prepare Yourself For Your Emanicpation
The most challenging obstacle to your shift out of the Mother role is you.
Here are some possibilities for preparing yourself for your Mother Graduatioin Ceremony.
"A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that the balances are correct. This every sister of the Bene Gesserit knows..."
- Frank Herbert, Dune
Question Everything - not as a challenge but as authentic curiosity, as an exploration.This is a new beginning. No one can take delicate care that the balance are correct for you for you.
Take a day or a weekend for being alone with yourself. Perhaps do this more than once...
Make no particular plans about how this should go... except to bring along your Beep! Book and a pen or two, plenty of fresh water to drink, some fresh fruit, nuts, and vegetables.
Keep writing out what comes up when you dive into these kinds of questions:
(Notice that there are NO right or wrong answers to these questions. They are exploratory questions about 'what is'. The power to create something different depends on an accurate assessment of current reality. Only you can detect your own current reality. Your current reality does not have to match anyone else's current reality.)
Write your 'transfer of ownership' and 'happy wishes' letter for each of your children 18 years of age or older.
This is the letter where you give over responsiblities for their lives and life decisions.
Be specific in your letter about what is no longer yours to deal with, for example, their diet, their finances, their health, their teeth, their friends, their belongings, their homework, their wardrobe, etc. etc. etc. The whole package.
Whether or not and how they pick up the reigns of their lives now that you have let go of them is from now on completely out of your hands.
Let go of it all.
Let go of your child.
Let go of your 'mom' identity.
There will be liquid states while things reorder in you.
Give these liquid states time and space.
Find friendly understanding liquid state company in water.
Each human being is made of 60% water...
Connect with the water in each person. You are made of the same water.
Write What You Learned...
This is time to tell your story. Not your whole story, of course, because you are still alive and the next chapter is unfolding in this moment. But a chapter of your life is coming to an end and now is the time to write it into words on paper.
Writing is an alchemical action. Through writing your change something that is etherial such as memories, insights, stories, etc. into squiggles on paper or a screen. These are physical objects that persist when you let go of them.
Write filmscripts for TV shows.
The invitation here is not to write a journal for therapeutic reasons. This is not writing for you. It is writing to leave a trail, to share what you discovered or saw along the way. Life is so rich in detail and perspective.
I am sure you have learned from other people's sharing? Well, this is payback time.
Yes, you probably went to school. You probably had writing teachers who could only do their job properly by destroying half of the students by giving them low grades. Your writing ability has been improperly destroyed.
Perhaps do some rage work about your teachers and take back your writing. You can write.
If you can talk, you can write.
Change your wardrobe.
Go through your closets.
Empty your cellar and attic.
Clean out your garage.
Clear out your drawers.
Clear off your desk.
Simplify yourself to start over.
Try a new hairstyle.
Explore new meals.
Wrap up outstanding finances.
Write your last will and testament.
Wash away any residue from the past.
Prepare to enter a new future.
Face The Void...
The edge is much closer than most of us think.
The edge of your culture, the edge of your belief system, the edge of your knowlege... it is so close.
Even if edges are all around us we are not trained to be on the edge.
Edges scare us... to the bone... for many reasons.
If an edge appears it means there is something we cannot control, therefore we might not survive.
You can face this, because it is true.
Mother Graduation Ceremony is part of a life of transformation, a life of evolution, a life that has authentic adulthood initiatory processes at its center rather than comfort or familiarity, a life of practice, a life of standing on edge after edge after edge, until you discover, one day, experientially, maybe even by accident, that human beings are designed to fly.
Mother Graduation Ceremony is part of that kind of life.
If that kind of life is for you, then you are at home.
Mother Graduation Ceremony Invitation
Write It Yourself
Make the invitations to your Mother Graduation Ceremony formal, as formal as a wedding invitation.
Your Mother Graduation Ceremony invitation is a doorway, for you as well as anyone who accepts your invitation to come and participate. A 'doorway' is an archetypal opportunity portal.
The shift during your Mother Graduation Ceremony will be as big as getting married, but no one has prepared you for what comes next. We have no role models.
This does not make it easy, but it does make it more real.
Be sure to tell people in your invitation:
Mother Graduation Certificate
Write It Yourself
Your Mother Graduation Certificate needs to be printed out on heavy paper in color, then after your Ceremony, framed under glass, and hung on your wall as a formal document for everyone to see (especially you). Here is a full size pdf of the graphic to the right which you can use as a model if you want.
The Certificate has several essential parts:
Mother Graduation Ceremony
Again... the most challenging obstacle to your shift out of the Mother role is you.
Here are some possibilities for your Mother Graduation Ceremony.
Get Present Rather Than Presents
There are many ways to get present.
Which do you use?
Do you even know what I am talking about?
If you are not present at your Mother Graduation Ceremony then you might miss it.
Make a list of 10 different ways that you could bring everyone at your Mother Graduation Ceremony into Presence.
(Check out Become Present for ideas...)
Do all 10. Make this the core of your Ceremony.
People will remember this day for the rest of their lives...
Part Indoors - Part Outdoors
During your Mother Graduation Ceremony see if you can do part of it indoors and part of it outdoors. This adds multiple space dimensions to the process and increases the ceremony's depth and stability.
There should be time for you (and any other graduating mothers...) to answer these questions out loud. The spaceholder who asks you these questions should be able to navigate you into telling both the information (facts) and feelings (emotions) in each question. They should be asking you: What did you feel angry about? What did you feel sad about? What did you feel scared about? What did you feel glad about? ANSWER ALL 4 FEELINGS FOR EACH QUESTION:
Formally Receive Your Certificate
You hand yourself your own Mother Graduation Certificate.
You are doing this for yourself.
No one is doing this for you.
Read every word of your Mother Graduation Certificate out loud slowly from the bottom of your heart so it lands in the 5 Bodies of everyone present, so it lands in the space.
After that it would be time for you (and any other woman receiving her Mother Graduation Certificate now) to give a wrap-up speech.
Make your little speach unprepared, spontaneously.
You are a different Being now. You are a graduated 'mom'.
If what you say now is to be authentic then you could not have planned out what you would want to say now because you were a different Being back then.
Reveal your new Presence to the world as an experiment for a few minutes. Let them clap for you.
At The End Get a 10-minute Lifting
Here are instructions for a Lifting:
Mother Graduation Party
After the Ceremony... it's party time!
... celebrate everything that is possible
SOME GUIDELINES FOR YOUR MOTHER GRADUATION PARTY:
Entering The Bright Unknown
You may not know where your're going...
but you're sure of what you're leaving behind!
What Happens After That?
You cannot even step onto a bridge until you are at the bridge.
You cannot go through a door until you are at the door.
This seems obvious, doesn't it?
You cannot bite an apple until your teeth are on the apple.
Do you get it?
The section below is about What Happens AFTER you have had your Mother Graduation Ceremony.
This means AFTER you have a witnessed and signed Certificate of Mother Graduation hanging on your wall, and AFTER you have cleaned up the mess from your Mother Graduation Party.
Otherwise you are not there yet where the thing that comes AFTER starts.
You cannot do Phase 2 before you have done Phase 1.
If you try and it does not work out... don't come crying to us.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
A lot can happen after, but not until the stuff that needs to happen before has already happened.
Think you can skip forward? Watch the film Click.
CREATE / FIND YOUR POSSIBILITY TEAM
The support circle for creating and enhancing each other's new life is called Possibility Team. (Of course, you can call it whatever you like...). The Possibility Teams we know about are listed at this online calendar. If there isn't a Possibility Team near you please make your own. It is fantastic Fun! At the Possibility Team website you can download your free Possibility Team Handbook.
Enter Matrix Code MOTHERGR.03 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
FIND & MAKE AN INITIATED ADULT MAN
If you cannot consciously detect and navigate into Extraordinary and Archetypal Love you will be left behind playing in the stupid gameworlds that thrive on ordinary love. I am sorry for you.
I was sorry enough for myself about this that I wrote a 500 page handbook for taking radical responsibility for navigating yourself into more interesting circumstances.
It was titled Radiant Joy Brilliant Love. The first printing is sold out, although you can still find some.
The same contents are being re-released in 2020 under the new title Building Love That Lasts. The book is full of practical information for creating love that modern culture knows nothing about.
But writing a book was not enough for me. I built a global gameworld of Possibility Management Trainers who can, in a few intense days of work, give you the core distinctions, thoughtmaps and tools for never having to play in someone else's low drama life. You can end your victimhood!
Nobody can do this for you.
Nobody can stop you from doing it for yourself.
Read the whole book, and do the experiments!
Please record your Matrix Code points at StartOver.xyz.
Enter Matrix Code MOTHERGR.04 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
PREPARE YOURSELF FOR ECCO
The EXPERIMENT is to realize that the Earth Coincidencd Control Office can only offer you coincidences according to the shape of your Being. Not your potential. Not your dreams. And if your shape does not fit their catalog of necessary implementations you will be left on the shelf.
So, if things have been rather dull in your life, it could be due to the shape of your Being.
This experiment challenges you to do something new about changing the shape of your Being.
Let your heart and soul pick something that your mind would never think of and go do it all the way through. That is how you earn the Matrix Points for this EXPERIMENT.
Enter Matrix Code MOTHERGR.05 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
The purpose of the Universe is evolution. This means that the person you are now is different than the person you were in the past. You are now a different person because you have acquired more consciousness. You have become aware of things that you did not know you were not aware of. One side-effect of this condition is the pain of remorse.
In the past, you have said things, done things, made decisions, created things (or not) that can not be undone. Looking back with more consciousness than you had allows you to be touched by what could have been possible. You can not change the past, but you can heal it.
For this experiment, ask someone to hold a listening space for you to go through a Conscious Remorse Process.
First, ask your spaceholder to read this experiment.
Sit facing one another.
Spaceholder, ask "what happened?" Create a safe listening space for the person in front of you to share what emerges. Allow the feelings, the tears, the sounds to come out.
Ask "what really touches you?"
"What could have been different?"
"What do you wish you could have created?"
Spaceholder, keep listening while staying in connection with the person in front of you. Make sure that you keep your Sword of Clarity out so that they do not start beating themselves up.
When there is nothing else to say, stay in silence for some time.
When you are ready, ask "do you need anything, like water or a blanket?"
Ask them if they want you to stay with them in silence or leave them to rest and integrate what just happened.
Conscious remorse is an expansive integration process. Feeling the pain of what could have been possible changes your shape and creates a sensitivity in you that was not there before. You might want to set up a meeting with someone to apologize or to write them a letter. In any case, do not use your remorse as a reason to beat yourself up.
When you have completed this process, enter Matrix Code MOTHERGR.07 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.